Road Rules

Compared to most other countries in Africa, Namibia has an amazing road system. Why? Well, for one, there actually are roads between all the major towns. Secondly, these roads are, for most part, paved. If they’re not paved, the major towns are at least linked by what in Namibia we would call ‘good gravel’ roads, which are wide, graded gravel tracks that cars can comfortably drive along at 50mph. Compared to countries like the Congo, which is larger than Texas yet has only 200 miles of paved highway, Namibia is doing quite well.

Nonetheless, there are a few quirks about driving in Namibia. Probably the biggest one is the animals. Once you cross the ‘Red Line’, which divides the privately owned-land in the south from the communal farming areas in the north, there are animals everywhere. Literally. The single biggest danger on Namibian roads are the donkeys, cows, and goats that use the road as their personal bedroom, bathroom, and grooming area. There are no fences to keep the animals in designated pastures. As a result, they wander everywhere, and drivers are constantly weaving back and forth to avoid animals.

There is a clear hierarchy to the road-going animals. Donkeys are the kings of the road, and they will NEVER move out of the way for a car. Not even, as occasionally happens, the car runs right into them. All Namibian drivers are afraid of donkeys. Rumor has it that the donkey’s black eyes make them invisible on the road at night. Next in the hierarchy are cows, who might move off the road if a driver beeps long and loud enough. They’ll not do it quickly, however, raising their heads to look placidly at the car, consider it, and then, perhaps, decided to slow amble out of the way. Last come the goats, who like to sleep together on the roads during the rainy season because the roads remain dry. The goats are the most skittish, and drivers barely slow down when they see goats on the road. Instead, they lay into their horn and the goats usually bolt out of the way.

Usually, but not always. Last year I gave my students a creative writing assignment, and one of their options was to write about a time that their father hit a goat in the road. Almost all of the kids chose this option, so I think it probably was a pretty common experience. The stories were remarkably similar, too. Driver hits goat. Shepherd wanders over and yells at driver. Driver and shepherd argue over the value of the goat, then finally agree on a price and the driver pays off the shepherd. Driver throws goat into the bed of his pickup truck, and the family has an unplanned feast.

Animals on the road are so common that one of my students last year related a ‘modern folktale’ to explain their behavior. The story went like this: There was once a pair of dogs who wanted to go town so they could do some shopping and see the sights. They talked to their friends, the donkeys, the cows, the goats, and the chickens. The cows were interested in going, just to see what was new in town. The goats were ready to go into town and blow all their money partying. The chickens had many little chicks, and little money, but needed to go into town for supplies. The donkeys were kind of dull, but they followed everyone else’s lead.

The next morning, this motley crew headed off down the path toward town. It was a long, long walk, and after awhile a farmer in a truck came along. “Please, sir, can we ride with you into town?” Dog asked. The farmer agreed. They chatted during the trip, and farmer told the animals that we was returning the same way that evening. He offered to take them back that night. They all agreed, and him that they would pay him for both rides on the return trip.

When the animals got to town, they split up to explore. The cows slowly wandered all through the town, chewing cud and gazing at all the sights, but not spending any of their money. The dogs played with their friends in town and had a couple of beers, but they made sure to save some for the ride home. The goats, however, just got drunk and partied and spent all their cash. The chickens, who were very poor, spent all their money on food their little ones. And the donkeys were too stupid to spend any of their money.

In the evening, as arranged, the farmer picked up the group and drove them many miles back to their home. When they arrived, the cows and the donkeys, having saved their money in town, paid exactly what they owed. The chickens, who knew they didn’t have the money to pay, jumped off the truck and pretended to drop their money in the dust, and then started pecking around as if to find it. The goats, who had blown their whole wad, jumped off the back of the truck and ran away. And the dogs, who didn’t have any small bills, gave the driver a $100 note. The driver took the money but didn’t give the dogs change, because the other animals had stiffed him.

That story explains how the animals behave today. The donkeys and the cows can stand in the road, knowing that they paid the driver the amount they were supposed to. The chickens are always pecking on the ground, pretending to look for their money. The goats run away whenever a car comes near, because they are afraid the driver will ask them for payment. And the dogs will chase any car they see, because they still want to get their money back.

And that’s how it is on the roads of northern Namibia today.